Being a parent means teaching your child how to be a happy, healthy, productive member of society.
To do that, you're sometimes going to have to spell things out for them. We only know our "common knowledge" because someone taught us, after all. The same goes for common sense.
Redditor Damnit_Bird asked members of the parenting subreddit to share the weirdest thing they've ever had to say to their children—and let's just say parents have to put in a lot of work to make their kids into functioning adults.
Damnit_Bird got things going by sharing some highlights from her own parenting experiences. "Here are the highlights of yesterday," she wrote along with her question.
"'The cat does not want to be a mountain for your Hot Wheels.'
'If you make that sound one more time, you're going to bed.'
'My bra is not a toy.'
'No, that fountain is not filled with dead people.'
And the daily battle-—'Don't force the dog to lick your feet.'
"I feel like a lunatic sometimes, especially in public."
Well, she's not alone in that.
NewLoginAgain says they had to tell their child, "Stop cleaning your shoes with that cucumber."
pcbzelephant's daughter had to be told, "Don't eat food from the trash can."
pistolwhip_pete shared that he's had to tell his son, "We don't put cars in our butts," and to, "Take your penis out of shark."
HillbillyThinkTank related, adding that he's had to tell his son "Don't shake your penis at the train."
He adds, "I'd wager that any parent of a boy has to set a lot of penis-related boundaries."
He's right. Also included in the thread were these penis-related gems:
"Stop wiggling your penis at the cat" —germanlovecat.
"Don't put your penis on the window!" —stupidmemory.
"Stop pulling on your brother's penis" —ninjamama32.
My personal favorite comes from nieda920, who says they had to tell their child, "I don't know why your friend didn't draw your vulva in the picture of you and her."
To be fair, that's a good question.
And now they know, these kids are going to be alright.