Roxane Gay Talks Honestly About Size on 'This American Life'
by Christina Franklin
Jul 24, 2016
There's fat and then there's super morbidly obese. That's how feminist author and academic Roxane Gay describes herself. Actually, it's not her chosen description. Not at all. It's the medical term for her weight, which is drastically larger than doctors deem healthy.
But her health is just one aspect of her size Gay has to deal with. There's the far more practical aspect of getting dressed each day.
In a revealing, heart-breaking and thought-provoking interview with This American Life host Ira Glass, in an episode about being overweight called 'Tell me I'm fat', Gay had some surprising observations about what she finds most difficult about her size.
Ira Glass
You draw a distinction among different kinds of fatness. Can I have you talk about that?
Roxane Gay
Yeah, I mean, I think there are different kinds of fatness. There's the person who's maybe 20 pounds overweight, who's fine as they are. But if they want to lose weight, they just need to go on Slim Fast for a couple weeks or something.
And then you have people who are—I like to call them Lane-Bryant fat, which means they can still buy clothes at Lane Bryant, which goes up to 28 in size. And they're the ones I find that are often the strongest cheerleaders of, this is who I am, and, you have to take me as I am and respect me because of my body not despite it. And I admire that a great deal. But I think it's easier to feel that way when you have multiple places where you can buy clothes and feel pretty and move through the world.
A photo posted by Speaking Of Stories (@speaking_of_stories) on
[Above: Roxane Gay. Source: Instagram]
Ira Glass
And you noted, Lindy [West—below] is what you call Lane-Bryant fat. She told me she was a size 22.
Roxane Gay
Yeah, I mean, and I don't mean that in a disrespectful way. I just mean she has access to spaces that people like me do not.
A photo posted by Lindy West (@thelindywest) on
[Above: Lindy West. Source: Instagram]
Ira Glass
Because what's your situation?
Roxane Gay
There's another level. I mean, then there's when you're super morbidly obese, where you can't really even find stores that can accommodate you. You don't fit in any public spaces, like movie theaters, public bathrooms, so on and so forth.
Ira Glass
Is the official name of what you are morbidly obese? That's the medical term?
Roxane Gay
No, the medical term is super morbidly obese.
Ira Glass
It's so mean.
Roxane Gay
Yes, it is. It's mean. It's dehumanizing.
Ira Glass
How much weight would you have to lose to be Lane-Bryant fat?
Roxane Gay
200 pounds.
The Lane Bryant site
Ira Glass
You've said this thing: 'Fat is all I ever think about, and it's exhausting.' What are you talking about? What do you mean?
Roxane Gay
I'm just hyper-obsessed. This whole nonstop anxiety conversation happens in my head all the time for just basic life functions, like, oh, I have to go do this, you know? Before I will go out to eat, I research a restaurant extensively on Google. And I look at Google Images. And I make sure, are the chairs solid? Do they have arms? What does the dining room look like? And if I don't think I'm going to be comfortable, I simply won't go.
It's sobering to realize just how the past 25 years have just been all about my body. And that's where I struggle with the fat acceptance movement. I think it's wonderful, and I think it's necessary and a necessary corrective.
But not all of us of have been able to get to that space where we don't care what other people think. I'm not all there yet, and I'm trying. But it's just really hard to not care what people think, especially when they're constantly telling you what they think.
Ira Glass
"But part of it is being able to say, I feel good and fine about looking this way and being this way. And it seems like when I read you, I feel like, oh, well, that's a huge part of what you actually don't want to accept. You're saying, "I happen to be this way, but I don't want to be this way. So why do I have to pretend that I'm okay with it?"
Roxane Gay
Exactly. I don't want to pretend that I'm okay with it, and it's not judging anyone else. It's just that I know the realities of living in my body. I know how irritating and how exhausting it is to, for example, climb a set of stairs. And so I don't need to be thin, but I want to be in better shape. I want to have more stamina. And I honestly, because I'm vain, want to wear cuter clothes.
Yeah, it is normal. But then there's a lot of people who don't like that attitude in me. But again, I think it's because they're Lane-Bryant fat. And even when you're Lane-Bryant fat, it's a struggle. But at least you have that. I don't even have that. And so it's like, let me feel the way I want to feel. Just let me be me.
